Filipino Centrality of the Family: a blessing or a curse?
Posted by amijares on October 22, 2006
Filipinos love their families. Perhaps there is something “confucian” in the filipino blood. The family or the clan is very important for the family. He will sometimes do the extreme for the sake of family honor. “Utang na loob” and “Hiya” are very much linked to the centrality of the family. (November 1 is just one of the days that we emphasize this)
There is something good in this and it could be really a blessing since the family is the basic cell of our society. Good human values come from there, education, honesty, sharing, love, patience, etc.
But when this “centrality” becomes exclusive, and this loves is deviated into a kind of “social selfishness” for one’s own family and clan it could become a curse. The other families become relative to one’s own family. It then becomes an absolute value at the expense of the others, even if it is for the sake of the common good.
Corruption and abuse becomes the means to an end to protect or enchance any family or clan, and when it comes to a political family, then we could understand that self-preservation of a regime is not so much that the value of the common good is forgotten but the absolute value of protecting, preserving ones family, or clan or party becomes absolute. We have this tendency as a filipino people which we have to address.
How? by placing always the common good as a higher value. We are a Christian nation and a Christian love is for all and is universal. It teaches us to love everybody because Jesus died for all and therefore God loves all. Our culture of the centrality of the family is very good because, in the clan, everybody helps each member. But if it is extended to the other families, without exclusivity, then it could be a potent change our country instead of the main cause of corruption. Love of man, the neighbor which is central to the Christian culture, means to love all, even it includes the enemies. Here centrality of the family becomes universal and extended; partisan or family politics which plague our country has no more space in this culture which should emerge from a value like the centrality of the family into a society based on the civilization of love for all and the common good.
Other links: Editorial of New City Magazine; Filipino and Christian Culture.
Schumey said
My parents taught me the value of obligation and not “utang na loob” in the parental sense. They taught me that its they who have an obligation on me and not the other way around. The common misconception is that the children are the one who have utang na loob. I was raised differently. They told me that I do not owe them anything as they are the ones who chose to have me. I never asked to be brought to this world. It was their decision therefore they have an obligation to give me what I need. Most parents would expect their kids to repay them and this is what destroys the true meaning of the family. Parents should never impose on their kids. I think we need to educate parents-to-be of what their true obligations are.
Am said
Schumey,
I agree with your comments. This is very applicable for those who prepare themselves for marriage. Our government should be like the good parents that you are talking about. Freedom, respect and the “culture of giving,” rather than the “culture of having” (which sometimes some parents extract from their children, in order to have more) should start from the family.
The present state of affairs in our country seems to be the opposite: it is not so much to give, but to exploit, and enrich with power and corruption at the expense of their constituents. Authority becomes domination through force and intimidation. This is not true exercise of authority. It should be equated with service.
toink! said
@ Schumey: Yeah I agree with you… Our parents are just instruments. According to a priest, “They are just nurses of the Lord.”
@ AM: I like the way you say things.. A reader must see underneath the surface to be able to get the true message of your writings. Keep it up!
Am said
Toink, Thank you! Your blogs too are fantastic! It makes one alive!
emmy derpo said
I agree with you about the family being overprotective of its members. I’ve seen it happening here in our community especially those whose children have had brushes with the laws. Parents solicit signatures from outstanding members of the community.I’m one of the guilty ones, but I’ve resolved not to do it again. Guess what who cautioned me , my children.They don’t know what’s “utang na loob” because my husband and I never mention it in our conversations.Yet, they’re so proud of our cultural heritage.I’m writing about understanding Filipino seniors here in our province and as I was researching Filipino values, I find “utang na loob”as the most mind-boggling of all of them. Anyway, thanks.
Am said
Enmy, all the best for your research. To understand our Filipino values under the light of Christian faith, I find the Cathecism for Filipino Catholics worthwhile. I am happy about your children. In these times where objective standards seem to be dark, the youth find in themselves some beautiful truths in their hearts, even without the aid of faith. It is not St. Paul who wrote: “The law is written within your hearts”? All the best!
Dino said
You are absolutely right. Filipinos pride themselves on their supposedly strong family ties. However, for many years now, I have been saying that this is one of the prime causes of graft and corruption in the country.
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that we should abandon family values and love. However, Filipinos frequently act as though they have no concept of “the greater good.” Though they may deny this, they tend to think that family values automatically trump considerations such as honesty and morality. After all, if you’re doing it for the family — or even one’s extended “family” — then this must be good, right?
This is one reason why I don’t have much hope for the country. Unless our people realize that family ties are NOT more important that basic human decency, there will be little chance of climbing out of the cesspool in which we reside.